I hate the Humidity

I don’t care how hot it is outside , I still have to have my coffee… java what ever you call it…I want my two cups…Well I finally figured out what I suffer from empty nest syndrome…… it isn’t fatal… But I think I am ready for what is coming ……. I am looking for a person to spend my time with…..

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Back from away with the new Woman July 2 , 2000

He just back from a trip to Halifax with his woman.  

I hate his guts.  He started in on me right away.  I forgot to pay the baby sitter….

I can safely say when he walks ouot the door for good.  I’ll be waving goodbye , so long , don’t come back …………

Asshole…….

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Slap in the Face…. June 4, 2000

That is how i feel everytime i see him .  Youre no good so i slept with someone else.  She does this for me etc….    She understands me !!

I have the tools to move on…. God has given them to me and i can do it…. (my pastor has been helping me ).

I believe what i say but , its going to be a hard road to take ….  Just help me GOD .

Take Care and keep an eye on the boys …

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My journal – May 30 2000

I have my good days and my bad days.  What will become of Joe and Jack. 

It’s just how i feel right now.  That Jims’s guilt is eating away at him, so therefore he has to prove he is a full time dad.   I can’t see the kids adjusting one week there and one week here.   It will screw up little jack and joey too.. 

It must be great to get out of a marriage have a ready made partner and just resume your parenting..

Yet I am left high and dry.  Wonder how much i will be aloud to see my boys …   And there i am sitting at the window waiting to see them come home…  The old maid no one wants .  Self pity visited by me for just a moment….

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AS I DECIDED TO ORGANIZE , I REALIZE…..

On the way to do that, i found my journals.  So hold tight here comes the story of the begining of the end of my marriage…….  

May 22, 2000 

It has been 3 days since i found out it is over.  Fourteen years of marriage is gone…  Jim has wanted to tell me since january.  Wow what a fool i am ….  I didn’t even notice .

Part of me hates that slut, and the other part wants to kill her.  Did i say those words , of course i did. 

I am scared of what the new life will bring .  But I’m also excited to start fresh and not be living with someone who treats me like a crap.

Sad about losing  a partner. Will i grow alone.

I don’t want to………

 

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Bell Canada Loves Me

I know why , because i hear more from them then my kids….

I sound like a broken record. I live 40 minutes from my ex husband , and that is where the kids go to school… oops well my youngest son who will be 18 soon is in his last year of high school , grade 12. He intends to go to Carleton Universtiy.. to become and English teacher… I have read many of his poems he has written… I think that his poems and letters he writes, help him get through each day….

I just have to say and i won’t say anything more about her , my ex’s girlfriend… She is always angry , upset , etc… So he is usually the target of what ever she is bitching about and he is always the brunt of it all…..

My oldest son who will be 22 soon is a different personality, he is straight and to the point. So if she get up in his face well that is it he just gives her what she gives him….

So having said that , i have not spoke to either one for about a week and a half…

“BE TRUE TO YOURSELF”

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